*Not really.
They are annoying and I just want to know who it is they are talking about. Curious like a cat, I am.
A gentle perusal of my dad's Current Bun sent my curiosity gland into overdrive at the weekend. The front page (non) news story went like this:
SHOWBIZ EXCLUSIVE: SPORTS TYCOON AND THE POP STAR
One of Britain's best-known pop stars had a secret affair with a super-rich sports tycoon, The Sun can reveal. They only split after the multi-millionaire's long-term partner found out and "hit the roof". The lovers, who both have children, are understood to have asked family members to sign non-disclosure agreements to keep a lid on their relationship.
Further deets inside reveal the tycoon has spoken of his happy family life in the past and is now grovelling to wifey. It describes the man as "one of the biggest names in his field" with a very luxurious lifestyle, and the "pop beauty" as a familiar face to millions with a turbulant love life.
Ok, so who is it?
When I read Britain's best known pop star who's also a parent I thought of Adele, but then again "pop beauty"? Hmm.
My best stabs at the pop star were:
- Nadine Coyle (who recently became a mother and is generally into black American Football players)
- Any of the Old Spices (understandable why he's so keen to cover it up!)
- One of The Saturdays (most of them have kids so that fits; Frankie already has form having been with Wayne Bridge for a while, she's extremely beautiful and has had a fairly turbulant love life in latter years; Una likes the rugger guys and while we could assume the article means a football tycoon, that's not neccessarily the case; Rochelle does lots of telly so is very "familiar" and also has a baby)
- Dido (too boring to have an affair with anyone though)
- Rebecca Ferguson (hardly one of our biggest pop stars)
- Alesha Dixon (very beautiful, a recent mum and familiar on Strictly, BGT etc)
As for the man, I was gunning for:
- Roman Ambramovich (the man's rich as hell, very famous and a real goer)
- Daniel Levy (I know I would...)
- David Beckham (he loves putting it about and is about to buy an MLS franchise so could be described as a tycoon)
- Tim Leiwike (just a random to add to the mix, as it seemed to so pointedly avoid giving the man's nationality)
Hmmm hold the front page, Batman. Could be on to something with those last two. Maybe Bernie's getting a little bit old for that sort of thing, even with the V pills. And Flavio's been a good boy lately...
So just who could it be?
Well, I thought it'd be nicer if they told you themselves.
Mystery solved (actually a bit boring on reflection).
Hey gang! Just a little motivational message for neurotic types like myself. I've had to wear specs for about 12 years now and I went that long without going back to the optician. This is because I worked myself into a stupid state of anxiety about going. I don't know why, but I kept thinking I would really embarrass myself as I am quite the social anxiety study anyway. You know, shaking, sweating, blushing, not being able to speak and other fun symptoms that generally f' up your life. Anyway, I got really fed up of not wanting to do things because I was ashamed of my smelly old glasses - not to mention the constant worry about breaking them and having to live as some kind of blind human mole because I was just too darn shy to go and see Dr Eye.
I am finally starting to realise that all types of anxiety are make-believe - non-existant monsters hidden in the depths of our psyche that feed us a stream of rubbish and poison our minds. And the more attention you give them the more they grow. So the best thing is to ignore them and stop avoiding. Tell your fragile ego that you may well feel uncomfortable for a few moments, you might shake and sweat and say something stupid. But so what? No one will be filming you and putting it on YouTube! And the older you get, the more you see that other people rarely think of anyone but themselves and they are unlikely to give you another thought - unless you are extremely rude to them. Otherwise life is very much out of sight, out of mind.
My optician's visit finally dawned this morning and I had been working myself into a ridiculous lather over it all week, getting stomach ache I was so worried. Well, I can honestly say it was all for nothing! The worst part was actually when I went in and the receptionist was chatting to me and my mouth was so dry I could hardly speak. But the actual test was so quick and unthreatening that all my worry was totally redundant. I did shake a bit but so what? Probably half the people he sees do the same. Going to the doctor would definitely be a worse situation for me as it involves sitting close to the Doc and looking them right in the eye as you discuss your most intimate problems. So the optician is nothing, don't hesitate to go for it. Shake, rattle and roll, if that's what it takes! I'm so excited about getting my new glasses and all the things I'll be able to do.
Who doesn't love a presidential menage-á-trois played out in the international media? I myself have been poring over every cliched word written about François Hollande, his main Valérie Trierweiler and the side piece Julie Gayet. It's a bit like the Lee-Casey-Jasmine triangle that went on in the CBB house only last week, but with palaces, political rallies and the gayest three-wheeled scooter ever seen. Initial thoughts led me to conclude that the leading man, who resembles my old maths teacher to a worrying degree, definitely has a type. His first wife
Ségolène Royal, Valérie and Julie all look like they rolled off the bland mistress conveyor belt with their neat little features, chaitains
hair and 60 Gauloise a day physiques. Perhaps the most intriguing
aspect is that little midgety Hollande - known as Flanby for his unfortunate
likeness to a wobbly, milky pudding - managed to bang one woman at all.
Unless he's packing 9+ in the basement - and if that's what his face
looks like I don't even want to think about down there - we can only
assume Frankie has a sparkling first date repartee. Though from the
lowly opinion poll ratings on Old Coffee Breath Face, this seems
unlikely. No, "power corrupts" is the only thing that can possibly
account for Hollande's allure. I'm sure I wasn't the only one who
cringed for all womankind on hearing that Valérie
had gone off to hospital with an attack of the vapours and
practically needed an induced coma to come to terms with the news that
her fug other half was a stone cold playa. Grow a pair of balls, Val. It
also struck me - and yes, it is catty - what yellow teefs Miss Gayet
sports. Come on Julie, you're gonna be twerking it with Michelle Obama
at the White House in two weeks' time! If ever there was a time to get
caught in a rebill whitening scam, this is it. And, dear lawd, was that a
bad case of armpit rat I saw creeping into her topless pic in The Scum
newspaper last week? The razor is your friend, sweetie!
Regular readers may be aware that I already pwned Nabilla, the really rubbish Kim Kardashian of France. No but like hello? I thought it might be of interest to learn which other chavvy bishes are rocking their world on the other side of the Channel. So I thought it only right and proper that I do a little series chronicling the main playas currently populating Closer mag - other than the Prez of course! Har har.
First up, let's take a look at Ayem Nour (above right, no gusset), fittingly Nabilla's professional frenemy. She first came to light as the star of French Big Brother, the stupidly named Secret Story, where she made tons of headlines for various past misdeeds which by turn included having been on the game, her ex locking her in the house, being bi, being druggy, having a kid she doesn't bother with... Aufweidersen, sket in other words. As evidenced below, neither animal, vegetable or mineral is safe from Ayem's vag:
Anyways, after leaving the house, Ayem took her newfound notoriety to The Angels of Reality TV, a kind of Towie that sees a bunch of these no-brains sent to Hollywood for the lulz. Hilarious capers ensued, as can be seen here where Ayem and Nabilla kick a random girl in the fanny. After that she tried hard not to be a slut for five minutes with a stint as a serious TV presenter but that didn't last long because she decided to become a journalist. But a bit like me when I was five, that was soon binned off and she attempted comedy with the really lame sounding Hollywood Girl.
Some time during all this Ayem was also to be found in a Chris Brown video alongside No But Like Hello. She later did a kiss'n'tell on him, saying it was all with Karreuche Tran's permission who was there in the room watching them bang. Lovely. Then Nabilla also did a kiss'n'tell on him. Sluts: they're such fun, aren't they? Nowadays Ayem is rocking a crew cut like Cassie and like all slebs lists Twitter as her full-time employer.
If any little Frenchies are copying pasting this for their English homework: the pleasure of looking quite literally into your country's sluts was all mine.
Argan oil is definitely one of the nicest oils to use as a beauty product: it's light, silky and non-greasy, not to mention full of fatty acids, vitamins and antioxidants. A bottle of organic Argan oil can be picked up for just a few pounds and it's definitely worth getting one so you can try out your own concoctions. Here's some ideas!
- Deep cleanse your skin. Take a few drops of the oil and apply all over the face. Lightly roll your fingers to gently press the oil into the skin for several minutes. Remove with a hot cloth and pat dry.
- If you use castor oil to grow your lashes and brows, try swithing to argan oil. The lighter texture means it's much easier to apply and, knowing how conditioning it is for the hair on our heads, just imagine what it can do for lashes! I have had great results using it this way and I think it makes my brows grow even better than castor oil. And without the heavy, sticky feeling - joy!
- You probably already know about the highly overpriced Morrocanoil products - which barely contain any actual Argan oil, FYI - but how about adding a drop of pure Argan to your regular conditioner? Supercharged conditioner for a fraction of the cost!
- Use it as a hand soak. Take a bowl of warm - not hot -water and add five drops of Argan oil. Then leave your hands to rest in there for 5-10 minutes. Pat dry and apply a rich hand cream - to which you can also add a few drops of the oil.
- Make a softening face mask. Take 2-3 teaspoons of honey and add a few drops of Argan oil. Apply to the face and relax for ten minutes, before removing with a hot cloth.
- Add a drop to your face and body moisturisers. Argan oil is high in vitamin E which will help the skin to repair and plump up.
- Add it to your regular hair serum. As Argan oil is too heavy for most European hair, diluting a drop in your serum will leave you silky but not weighed down.
- Use under your night cream as a serum. It makes skin feel silky smooth and cared for.
- Add a few drops to the bath. I hate greasy bath oils so this is light, hydrating and lovely!
The ways you can use Argan oil are really unlimited so don't be afraid to use your imagination and go for it - you'll be amazed how far a small bottle can go!
What's the deal with primers? They are always being recommended on blogs, YouTube beauty videos and in magazines, and might seem like yet another step to add to our ever-growing list of application rules. But if you regularly find your make-up slipping off or your skin feeling a bit oily, a primer could be your new hero product.
What is a primer?
It helps to smooth the skin in prepration for foundation, enabling it to stay on for longer. Some primers have a polyfiller-like texture that fills in all the fine lines, little holes and enlarged pores on the skin, creating a truly uniform base for you to apply your other make-up to. They can also reduce oil, tone down the appearance of redness and brighten your skin.
Do I need one?
If your foundation doesn't absorb into your skin properly, if you have excessive oil or your finished look doesn't appear "clean", try using a primer. Even if you have problem-free skin, it will give a velvety finish.
How should I fit it into my skincare regime?
Moisturisers hydrate, serums repair and primers prepare the skin for make-up. Make sure your moisturiser and primer don't contadict each other: for example, avoid using a moisturiser for dry skin with an oil-free primer or your skin will get mixed messages and it could cause a problem!
Where do I apply it?
Use a pea-sized amount after moisturising. Apply it over the areas that get most oily. Some primers mattify the skin on top of make-up, which is a nice alternative to powder - try patting it on instead of rubbing.
Pick your primer
The anti-ager SkinPerfect Primer SPF30 £37.30 Dermalogica
The skin smoother 5 Sec Perfect Blur £12.99 Garnier
The pore minimiser Tea Flower Deep Clean Anti-Shine Pore Minimiser £12.99 Super Facialist by Una Brennan
The sun protector DayWear Advanced Multi-Protection Anti-Oxidant & UV Defense SPF50 £30 Estee Lauder
This is kinda old, but the hilarity has far from lessened on this pic of Louise Flood - Posh Spice's boot-faced seestah - publicity whoring with Joanne Beckham, who grew up with once footballer, now professional tea towel David as a brother. For starters we get to see what Victoria would look like without all the cosmetic surgery, treatments, glam squad and probable DNA resurfacing. Poor Louise hasn't weathered her many love affairs, illegitimate children and subsequent break-ups well, has she? Her weave looks more like a wig and the hideous brassy colour does her no favours. In fact she sorta looks like pre-op Gordon Ramsey now I think about it. Speaking of wigs, Joanne, on the right, looks more like a Tranny David. It's always funny when you see what a man's sister looks like, isn't it? His features remodelled with the XX chromosome. Both the poor things look like they stole their clothes from Chigwell market, not to mention a bit too pleased to be looking down a camera lense. So if you've ever wondered what a fugly, gender-bending Posh & Becks would look like, here it is!
Regular readers know I love trashing, well, anything, but this is actually a bit of a rave. I picked up Revlon's matte lipstick in Pink Pout a little while ago and I utterly love it. It is a cute baby pink colour with a neutral-cool undertone. Not one of those ghastly neons or purples that some gals bizarrely insist on rocking. This is much more subtle than that. It's kind of a muted look, one that goes best with a strong eye. It's that Kardashian nude kind of look, one that can be dressed up or down. Its matte texture might feel drying but I find it fine with a good swipe of lip balm underneath. I had never worn a matte lippy before but this has converted me. It is much more pigmented than its shiny couisns so you get more of a colour hit that lasts longer, and as someone who looks ridiculous with shiny lips, this is now my favourite product ever. Apparently it also serves as a close dupe to Mac's Snob, if you like a little switcheroo.
It's more wet'n'windy than winter in the UK at the moment, but I'm sure that any day now we'll be pounded with six foot of snow. A McFlurry. Freezoids. Snowmageddon. This used to leave me blooming cold. This season, howevs, I decided to be really properly warm for the first time ever. It costs a few pennies and isn't exactly going to top Look magazine's street style feature. But who'd want that anyway? Dress like this and you might just enjoy the chill a lot more. Thank me later.
First up - and I'm assuming you've already put on your normal underwear (or lack of) - you need a good old thermal layer. Yes, mum was right - it makes a tremendous difference to one's body temperature. Throw on some thermal leggings - Matalan's are excellent FYI - and vest for good measure, even better if long sleeved. Thick woolen socks complete a very shexy base.
Uniqlo's Heattech tops are an excellent choice to go over your thermals. They come with all this spiel about Japanese technology etc, but honestly I'd say they are warmer than the average top, and if you sweat it dries amazingly fast.
In the way of trews, I'd say something with a good, tough fabric is the best bet, so jeans it is. I don't know about anyone else but I find skinnies mega cold - even in summer, srsly - so I'd skip them for now and go with some good old not-so-trendy bootcuts. Fleecy joggers are another one to think about.
Now for a nice, thick jumper. These submariner sweater's are meant to be ultra warm, and though expensive (£50-100) it will probably last a lifetime. As I suffer from Itchy Neck Syndrome I'm holding off buying one though I'm sorely tempted.
Wearing something over my jumper always makes me feel toasty and delightfully cosy, and since I bought a sherpa-lined over shirt like the one above it's been quite life-changing! It comes from Cotton Traders and it's so deliciously warming, it's like a big hug every time I put it on. I wear it in our chilly coal-hole of a house and also under my coat. This one item has made the biggest difference to Bossy Thing's winter - it has made it bearable. I can't praise it highly enough.
A good quality padded coat, like the one above by Creenstone, will really help to keep your core temperature up. I was lucky enough to be given a Puffa jacket this winter and it is amazing. Having only worn cheap coats before, I can't believe the difference. The sleeves are the best thing, they come right over my hands. Totally love it!
Gloves do more to keep you warm than you might think. I absolutely love my thick pair by Thinsulate, which are only about £5. When my hands don't get frozen, it makes a huge difference to the rest of my body.
Don't forget your feet! Most Ugg-type boots are simply too leaky, draughty and flimsy to be of any use when the temperature plummets. I know that when I wear mine for fashion purposes, my feet feel absolutely frozen after only a few minutes, as the cold comes right through the thin sole. Try some waterproof, fur-lined boots, like these from Cotton Traders. They have a thick rubber sole that doesn't let the cold of the ground get into your bones, and you can walk through shallow waters without getting a wet foot. The fur lining also makes them a better option than wellies which can feel freezing.
A nice wooly hat and scarf should set you up nicely for a day in the snowy fields! Now run along and play, my pretties.
*No.
Be still my beating heart! Of course, this is quite beside the point for some silly make-up blog - off on a tangent even, though an utterly delectable one, it must be said. Ever since Michele became Il Giovane Montalbano - that's Montalbano the Younger to you - I have been drooling over his lovely face on the daily. That hair (so curly!), those eyes (totes deep), those lovely lips (same cupid's bow as me - thanks mum) and a general aura of *Miranda voice* sex...I take it all and worship it with the pure reverance it merits. It doesn't hurt that he plays a gentelman copper always saving some distressed damsel. Lovely. Shame though that someone's about to birth his spawn, but we'll overlook that. This is Fantasyland after all. And he didn't even marry her first. Chill wit all dat. And look into those eyes a little longer...
