Friday, 24 May 2013

Severe pre-menstrual insomnia? Oh, go on then

Greetings BossyTings! Very pornographic hellos from me since nearly all of my traffic is now being referred from a "jazz" website :'( *waves* You may or may not have noticed that I have been AWOL for the last week and that's largely because I have been suffering from yet another awful maladie - Mother Nature had definitely had her bitch flakes the morning she formulated my genetic code. This time it's pre-menstrual insomnia which - no joke - is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. The worst flu, the most volcanic cystic acne boil - nothing feels as bad as this terrible affliction. I don't get it every month - thank Jesus - but probably more in the region of 4 or 5 times a year and every time it pushes me to the brink of my mental fortitude and nearly tips me right over, like in the Italian Job film. For about a week, night after night I am totally unable to get any sleep at all, and even if I do manage to drift of at, say, 8am - birds honking TWEET! outside the window, how rude - it's the most headache-y, restless snooze ever, with a wake-up every other minute. Urgh. Then I feel like a heroin-addicted zombie in the middle of a nervous breakdown until bedtime when I can't get any rest again and then ping! it's tomorrow, time to repeat. There was a very funny Simpsons episode where Marge couldn't sleep because of Homer's snoring and ended up taking people hostage on a bridge - well, I have felt fully complicit with such madness this week, because you feel so exhausted, sick and migrained that you are not so much scared that you are going to die but rather that you won't. I have Googled it and you can read about the complex hormonal reasons that cause it here. I did let out an evil witch's cackle on reading their recommendations to excercsie more, avoid alcohol and keep a sleep diary. Ha ha ha, funny. I've tried everything, Doctor, and I know very well already that not even a tranquiliser dart from the local zoo could knock me when I'm in this pre-menstrual phase. I have tried to fathom why I get it some months and not others but I can't, it's not for us to understand the weird ways of our hormones. I suppose I really should go to the Doctor and get put on the Pill, but I don't particularly want to go on it. Last night I managed to sleep ok, thank God, and today I feel entirely nornal again but I'm sure it will strike again in the coming months. Sometimes it's hell being a woman...

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