Thursday, 13 June 2013

Chat shit

Being a singleton in 2013 is surely a more tawdry experience than at any other time in history, I'm sure all you lonelies will agree. For example, sometimes when I am bored I go on an app I am much too polite to name where you can message another user of different nationality under the admittedly dubious-sounding prospect of giving each other a lesson in lingo. Well, you can guess what goes down, can't you, dear reader? Yes, it is a sweaty hotbed of Badoo-style propositions with top notes of Bebo grooming tactics. All this and not a single photo on there. Incredible. One convo I had on there really did make me LMAO because this stupid guy would say the same mundane things EVERY BLOODY DAY. So it would go like this:

-Hi
-Hi:)
-How are you?
-Ok thanks. You?
-Bien

Spare me. I only kept it going to amuse myself. I had to flip him the bird when he came out with the all too predictible: do you have FB? This app n'est pas tres confortable pour moi. Fuck off, pal. Can I just point out that I genuinely started using this app because I wanted to practice my foreign language skills, not to get dragued by 'tards. Anyway, I started chatting with this other guy on there and he's really nice, a bit self-obsessed, very verbose which is quite irritating... Like, what do you expect me to write, a flipping essay every half hour? Out of curiosity I Googled his name and ooooh guess what. He gotta wife. Po' bitch. And a baby. Ouch. Yep. I found his'n'hers BookFace pages and lawd, he's older than I thought. I mean, he looks about 40 to me but according to his LinkedIn page (oh come on, some people are just too easy!) he's around the 33 mark. If only his wife knew that he is doing the full chat-up thing to me: he's all "oh you're so nice, you're so funny" and "all I want is to speak with the British accent". Hmmm, try asking YOUR WIFE maybe, dickhead? It's quite funny though because I've spun a load of tales - no judge, if he can lie, so can I ;) - about how my brother's got a baby and mentioning my family and stuff but he ain't breathing a word about his wife and kid. I bet even if I directly asked he'd say he didn't have them. It begs the question of why the hell anyone would be stupid enough use their real full name when they're engaging in duplicitous activites. Send him down to the dungeon, Judge Judy, and slap him sensible. I mean, I could go on his wife's FB page right now and send her a message detailing her hubby's questionable ways. He's obviously a very lonely man, it's probably the usual thing of: "My wife just had a baby and I don't want to have sex with her any more, poor me." Bitch please. Why not give her some attention instead of chatting up random women on your iPhone? I have to LOL though, if he knew that I know he's married he'd prolly shit himself. It wasn't like it was hard to find out though, I Googled his name and his wife's came up. Boom. Fantasy over. I will be quite intrigued as to how long he will keep this act up but I give about two more days before the "can we talk somewhere else?" or "let's talk on the phone" pleading starts. Then I'm going to have to turn my back on this son of a bitch. Men can just be so...urgh, can't they? You can't expect them to be normal when they've got two heads but still.

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