No but like I need a lawyer stat

God knows how this stunning piece of news escaped my attention but maybe it's because I don't sit here Googling her name every day. The Honey Boo Boo of France, Nabilla Benattia, almost murdered her little flower of a boyf, Thomas Vergara, the other week.

IKR?

I can't even!!!!1!

Certainly came out of left field.

It is claimed that the almost murder happened when Madbilla and Thomas had a screamer of a row and she kinda maybe definitely stabbed him in the chest till he nearly died of it. Yikes. La grosse salope. I mean who even does that?

Further evidence that French chicks are cray cray and will leave you for dead, fellas. The DM also informs me that Twatbilla was charged last year for spitting at someone who was just doing their job on the train. Not only is she a dog, she's a camel.

Kim Kardashian, Fatbilla's brain-dead idol, may be annoying but at least she doesn't go around phlegming at people and stabbing them through the chest half to death.

And how did Blowbilla handle this PR disaster? With really stupid selfies, duh. Including this sensitively timed lolmovember one. That must make Poor Thomas's family feel really good, right? It wasn't enough that she trapped him in her web to begin with, she then took him to Shiv City, return flight extra.

Of course Flabilla is pleading self-defense but is there ever really a plausible excuse for burying a knife in someone's breast, really?

I admit his off-duty Conchita Wurst look with that little ponytail might drive anyone to the kitchen drawer full of sharp things but yo' gonna pay gurl.

She faces 30 years of hot lesbian shower sex if found guilty and Reality TV purgatory if not. Either way her face won't be leaving the cover of French Bella magazine any time soon.

:(