Thursday, 26 March 2015

Learn to love your horrible step sibling

So just yesterday I got home after ten days of familial hell spent in a lovely Portuguese town called Alcoutim. Ok, I admit, the first couple of days felt like hell and I may have had the odd irrational adult tantrum over a coconut shell of freshly-squeezed guava juice. (No seeds por favor.) That's because I was forced to share close living quarters with my dad, a man known to be of Type A personality, his wife of five years (Stepbitch), my younger sister and our four year-old stepbrother. He's the douche we shall be focussing our ire on in this blog post, dear readers. He is, to be Sinatra, F, a self-entitled little shit. 

He "needs an X Box" (Stepmom). He "needed the biggest room because he has the most toys". Shit me, I just turned 30 and I forgot My Little Pony. Quick, gimme the broom cupboard to sleep in. The child suffered repeat irrational toddler tantrums, usually in view of a baying mob of Portugeezers. Staring at my knees suddenly became very interesting during this time and I learnt a surprising amount about Iberian pavement tesselation as my father tried to drag a screaming ball of flesh to the nearest donkey and cart. Yeesh. 

Anyway, we all began to feel a bit more comfortable with each other as the days progressed. It's amazing how much you can bond while scraping what was once part of a cow into a crusty artisan bap. And that was just breakfast. I also learnt how important the art of distraction is when it comes to child-rearing. "Look at the man on that nose!" can quell the nastiest tantrum threatening to shatter the tranquility of the hypermarket's hallowed aisles. 

By day 9 I almost felt a like a real grown up big seesta and even a little sad that I would no longer feel a tiny hand trying to push me into the Rio Grande on the daily. Back to frequent doses of good British food (Nandos) and the sun peeping shyly - or lurking like a pervert - behind the grey Bristol clouds. But with a newfound love for my little stepbrother.
We flew Quesyjet (oh I did enjoy my squirrel sized snack pack) and stayed at the Multihotel. I give it five stars because awesome.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Beth glad to hear what a great time you had. Looking forward to the full run down next time I'm around ;) xxx


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